Growing Pains

“Loving yourself isn’t always a beautiful process. It’s hard. It can break you open, it can wear you down. Self love is birthed in the trenches of our darkest moments. That’s why the light feels so good when we find it”

Alex Elle, After The Rain

I have been reading After The Rain by Alex Elle, a writer I discovered on Instagram. Reading this was part of cherishing myself in the mornings.

You see, I have this really bad habit of doing for others first and leaving or even worse, ignoring my needs completely. I loved this book so much that I gifted it to my last 1-2-1 client along with the accompanying journal. So much of Alex’s words resonated, having me nodding as I read more of her story then, some parts had me going whoa, connecting with aspects of my own journey.

I am in a group coaching experience with Tamu Thomas of Live Three Sixty The reason for signing up is the realisation that I need to move on from who I had withdrawn into if, I am going to do the things I am striving towards. For some time I did struggle. I wanted clear cut solutions to make certain things just stop.

But life doesn’t work this way as we all know. Tell me something, are you one of those that had ‘The Talk’ ? You know the ‘work twice as hard to get half’ ‘They are not going to let you get to the top’ or the worst one,‘You will always have to struggle’

I had my first introduction aged 5 on the first day of school. It was horrific. My mum worked as an outworker and her daughter was at the same school. she was accepted as she was very light skinned. If she chose me, they would bully her too. I was so upset that at lunchtime I took myself home.

I got a telling off for leaving school but then she had to explain what racism is. So for the next 40 odd years of my life, I was expected to suffer and settle for less because I don’t have to work for a tan. It’s something I fought against for so long but 6/7 years ago I became so tired, always having my back up ready for the next ‘fight’, the micro-aggressions, wanting to find a way to make it all just stop.

Reading the book as well as the work I’ve been doing myself, I realised that I had been going about this all wrong. The shit is not going to stop per se, they are outside factors that I cannot control. Deep down I’ve always known this but did not want it to be true. I wanted a solution and would become more depressed as it eluded me.

What I have been looking for is within me. Within you.

Your task if you like, is to find the tools for you and personalising them to you and your needs to become the person you want to be to build a business you want to live a life you love filled with joy and purpose.

You can know all the things to do in running a business, but if you are not being the person you need to be to achieve those things, you’re going to find it really hard to make the good stuff happen.

I throughly recommend After the Rain. It’s not heavy, filled with clarity.

Remember the quote not to berate yourself, but as a reminder to come back to yourself. Life ain’t linear, we all need a lil something once in a while.

Be taking care.